countdown

one full month is a ridiculously long time for us to go without chipper. we're all dying for him to join us on friday so we can live it up in glorious oregon for one final week before heading back to brooklyn. three more days for us to miss our favorite things about the man.

eve's favorites: stories at nigh-night time (usually sung to some crazy twangy/old-timey tune), showing him her "most beautiful drawings" and talking about scary monsters who don't get us.

ruth's: having food with daddy cause daddy makes yummy food (a perfect response from ruth- no basis in reality and food centered).

charlie's: who knows. but i'm certain he and chip will have fun smiling at each other. 

and the things i've missed? i've missed everything. i've missed laughing with him and watching the girls go nuts with him around. i've missed watching him feverishly sketch out his latest scheme for our apartment. i've missed his stories. i've missed the pacing and the lounging and the face he makes when he looks in the mirror. i've missed the thousands of everyday mundane things that make up partnership and family life. i can't wait for friday to come, it's going to be good to have chip around again.

i may check in within the next two weeks, but most likely not. we've got a lot of time to make up for and i don't want to be doing it in front of this screen. hope you all enjoy these last days of summer!

blessing day

before making it to oregon we went to salt lake for a week of celebration with chip's family. tucked among so many other amazing happenings was the blessing of little charlie. baby was silent and sleepy as his grandfather, great-grandfather, five uncles, one cousin (once removed) and a dear friend surrounded him and chip gave him a beautiful and sweet blessing for his life. it was pure glory to have so many of our favorite people in one room to share our joy, faith, love and life with.

the day got off to a seriously rough start - frustration from an argument with chip and the discovery that my favorite a.p.c. dress was accidentally shrunk was further compunded by the sad reality that none of the pre-pregnancy dresses i packed fit my blubbery body. before i was finally able to throw something decent together to wear to church i was a sobbing mess. hormones are great. but despite all that, i can confidently say that it was one the five best days of the year. in fact, mary's birthday and a really amazing reunion with friends on top of all the fun of charlie's blessing throws it into the top two- only to be trumped by charlie's actual birthday. really, such a good day.

making charlie's little kimono top and drawstring pants was so fun. i have deluded myself into thinking it will be lovingly passed down from generation to generation of baby boys. . .i derive a huge amount of pleasure and satisfaction from this delusion. borderline unhealthy. but, even if charlie is the only baby to wear it, i'm happy. he looked like an angel. the kimono top is from this martha stewart pattern while the pants are from a random pattern i grabbed at the fabric store (after accidentally leaving my preferred pant pattern at home). the outfit was fast and easy and i don't think anything looks as wonderful as a baby in white. the tiny bit of light blue gingham (the drawstring and covered buttons) had to be a part of the outfit, because what is a baby boy without a least a little blue on him at all times?

this picture of charlie on the floor was taken yesterday, two weeks after the actual blessing day, and the kid has grown a crazy amount in those 14 days. do you see how long the arms are? so, the fit is a little different than the original, but the basic idea is still there. and yes, you are reading his expression correctly- very nervous and very unhappy about being stuck on a hard wood floor while i point the camera at him. not his most flattering picture, but i'm just lucky he waited ten seconds before letting me hear about it.

charlie smiles

  

so apparently posting a picture of blueberries is not an acceptable way of helping chip feel in touch with his family. weird. so, here we have his rapidly growing man child, charlie.

the latest: smiling, usually preceded by eye contact and a few short coos. he was showing some clear preference for my sister jeanie, but the competition has left town and i'm thinking i'm the frontrunner for smiles once again. although papa is a clear threat. . .

the dissappointment of not having a third girl has long since melted away and i'm now thinking that, although not the same, making for and dressing charlie is a pretty entertaining game. arrows, cowboys and railroad stripes. with those furrowed brows and manly neck (i swear it's thick, chip thinks i'm nuts) he's already on his way to being the classic all-american boy.

i love it when baby things have pockets. so adorably useless. for charlie, anyway; ruth makes good use of them. when she's not trying to shove his hands in them she uses the pockets as storage for her own treasures. most recently; lipsmackers and crumpled stickers.

50:41

as in "oh, it's 50:41! i have to go, grandma!" eve is experimenting with telling time lately, and i am rarely just mommy. today i have been assigned the roles of "mean computer girl" "mean queen" "nice morgana" (the sea witch in little mermaid 2. . . ugh, i'm more than ashamed that my children and i know that. . .) and "grandma." ruthie has been restricted to the sole role of "baby jesus" . . . "come on, baby jesus! i'm making a playground just for you! see-saw for baby jesus! wheee!" i don't really know what to say. 

we've all been cooped up a little more than we'd like lately (didn't leave the house once all week. three kids+ humidity= me hiding by air conditioner). so saturday we made our way up to lawrence farm orchards to do some berry picking. a few strawberries, mostly cherries and fun. we left right around "35:13" and had a great day. as usual, i am now desperate to live on a farm of my own. having inherited the desire from my dad, i've romanticized about living on a farm as long as i can remember. the thought of being so tied to and in tune with the land and life seems so ideal. maybe i should start a little smaller with the dreams and shoot for a backyard first. 

chip has declared that he could go cherry picking every week. if we can avoid charlie getting anymore scary looking mystery hives, i'm all for it too. strangers tried to be nice and pretend that he was just a beautiful little angel, but they were concerned. "oh look, look at that little babyyyy. . ." as they came in for a close up look at the little mess their voices would lower, slow down and a lot of looks of semi-hidden worry were exchanged. but, after we picked, licked all the melted ice cream off (i know, a farm with amazing ice cream. heaven.) and turned in our wagon we drove home with pounds of cherries and hot and sleepy kids. thunderstorms and dinner from friends welcomed us home before warm baths were given and i gave into my exhaustion. i'm a complete wimp in the hot humidity. 

sunday came and with it this cherry pie. and seriously, it was the best pie i've eaten, maybe ever. and bonus; crazy easy. after the cherries are pitted (admittedly a slow process but one i delight in) and after my stained hands are washed, its all about just throwing a few ingredients together and waiting while the goodness bakes. without tapioca or white sugar on hand i substituted corn starch and powdered sugar. worked perfectly. i had raw sugar that maybe i should have used, anybody have any tips for baking with it?? half cake flour made the pie crust magical. 

once the pie was gone (we had help eating it, but could have easily shoved it into our own greedy tummies) we were very sad. so sad, that i woke up this morning determined to make another. it is happily baking in the oven right now while ruth dresses in the cow costume, eve lies daintily on the bed in her cinderella dress and charlie sits in my lap contentedly staring at the glow in front of him. 

 

first day

today is the first day on my own with the three kids. this morning my sister and two (of her four) kids left for the airport to fly back home to oregon. sad for all of us, but especially my apartment, which has not been so clean or full of life in months. the girls are already making demands for sarah's return, and deep inside, i am too. it was glorious being so taken care of by one of my favorite people of all time.

so far the four of us are fine. an episode (or five) of diego and a super cape has eve happy while ruth seems satisfied staring at sleeping charlie and playing the "remember when?" game with me over and over. -ok. i just looked over at ruth and it turns out it wasn't the "remember when" that was entertaining her so much as the tube of lanolin she was smearing all over her lips, tummy and right leg. classic ruth.- if the rest of the day goes this well (ointment smearing aside) i may even be able to do something for chip, who is 33 today. happy birthday chip! here's hoping all you ever wanted for your 33rd birthday is leftover pizza and the latest episode of the bachelorette. . .

also, i've lost the ability to follow one line of thinking for more than four minutes, so here are eve and ruth with two of their respective current obsessions: mustaches (yogurt in this case) and animal puppets.

++ oh, and goo flu is gone. he died within 24 hours. so then came go-pen. i had high hopes for go-pen, he looked hearty. but four days later he was nose down too. the girls are now talking about death even more than usual, in semi-disturbing ways; "oh, i'm sorry mom, it looks like charlie's dead." so we're taking a break from fish for awhile. clear the air. and the water. 

charlie and bye

 

charlie's birth was the roughest of the three. being 9 days overdue (four more than ruthie, 22 more than eve), and the heaviest by one ounce might have had something to do with it, but i'm fairly certain that there were three other factors that made this one closer to what i hear the mainstream experiences of childbirth are. (i've been quoted as saying that childbirth- the actual process of natural childbirth, not just the result- is "glorious" and i've meant it, but not with this one. this one was just hard).

and here are the three reasons why:

#1: the boy was posterior. what you hear is true; back labor is no fun at all. i generally do not like being touched while in labor but other than getting the baby out, there is nothing i wanted more than someone to repeatedly hammer me in the back with a mallot and relieve the pain.  

#2: because i was so overdue i wasn't able to deliver in the birthing center where the two girls were born. the birthing center is heaven. a cozy heaven where chip, my midwife, one nurse and quiet are the only things i am aware of as i labor, deliver, recover and stare at my new baby. . . instead it was the regular labor and delivery floor for me. no jacuzzi tub. no queen size bed. no friendly watercolors of flowers hiding the tubes and medical equipment in the wall, no feeling of complete seclusion. just a fetal monitor that had to be kept on the entire time, five feet to pace between bed and chair and florescent lights (which didn't do me any favors for the post-birth photographs, either). . . also, shared recovery rooms aren't ideal; sometimes getting glimpses into strangers' personal relationships is really uncomfortable. 

#3: this, i've decided is the big reason charlie's birth was the roughest- the clock. there was a digital clock on the wall and i could not avoid looking at. the minutes ticked away, reminding me how long i had been in labor, reminding me how long i had been in the hospital, reminding me that as each intense minute ticked away i had no idea how many more were ahead. that clock made my attempt to stay focused on the miraculous process and not give in to the frustration and exhaustion much more difficult than usual. if there is a next time, the first thing i will do is cover up any and all clocks in the room. i'm not interested in being taunted like that again. i'm interested in being blissfully ignorant to the passing time as i focus and cope and my body works.

so, next time (again, if there is one) here's hoping for a timely arrival free of back labor and clocks. but really, these small complaints aside, i have never been more aware of how incredibly blessed we are and how incredible new life is.

since the evening we returned home with our newly complete family we've pretty much spent our days staring at this little guy. seriously, he's so great. i love few things in life more than brand new baby chicken legs. and now that his umbilical cord fell off, the girls are fully in love. a ton of staring, a ton of kissing a ton of "charlie's so cuuuute!"

but, we have some sad news too. as of last night our fish of more than a year- "bye"- is dead. at the end of a tragic day for eve (having to share the unicorn AND eat all of her quiche) i was trying to console her when i caught a glimpse of obviously dead fish and blurted out "dang it. bye's dead." smooth, mom. poor eve; head thrown into the pillow, sobbing screams, desperate clings to her insensitive mother. promises of fish heaven and a replacement finally dried up the tears and we were all able to go to sleep peacefully. kind of. dead fish are creepy. oh, and the cause of death? starvation. little baby came to town and fish was totally neglected. sorry bye. i can't decide who had the worst death; bye or our first fish who died of exposure (the heat in our building went out for several days during the coldest snap in winter didn't work out so well for the betta). . . 

here's the new guy. name: "goo flu" which eve informs me is "the most beautiful name." who am i to argue? welcome goo flu, here's hoping you make it past 14 months with us. history is not in your favor. 

+++

and thank you to all of your for your kind comments here! if i weren't so lazy or wrapped up in staring at charlie i'd love to get back to each of you individually. but, i am lazy and charlie is freakin' beautiful so a group "thanks!" is the best i can do for now.

meet charlie

june 2, 2008

5:22am

8 pounds, 1 ounce  

21.5 inches long

amazing. 

triangulation

i've been trying to figure out what this third child will do to and with the current family dynamic we've got going here. (yes, this past weekend and came and went and along with it, his due date. waiting waiting. . .). over and over the three little kids that will soon be mine have led to thoughts of triangles and the shape's possible meanings. on one end they're symbolic of perfection and unity while down at the other they represent danger and unavoidable tragedy. so which is it? should i be preparing myself for familial annihilation or some sort of exaltation once this little one joins us? as with most things this baby will probably take us on a path somewhere in the center, with detours in either direction occassionally thrown in the mix. moments of hell and moments of heaven. much like our current life, just with more stomping feet. 

so, to celebrate the triad that baby will complete; this triangle banner quilt. there are countless imperfections and the whole hurried project could have used a bit (a lot) more careful planning, but the fact is that that is just how i operate around here. especially lately. each time i get an idea i am in a near panic to start and finish it immediately. . . who knows when this little guy will decide to come and my days will consumed by holding, feeding, staring, keeping the girls from smothering him and trying to figure out how he ever fit inside me. 

why not

yes, why not throw a few more dresses and/or skirts in the mix around here? and why not do it in compulsive spurts starting around 9pm at night?

i actually drew up the pattern for these first two dresses a few weeks ago and then immediately went to work making and dip-dyeing the first dress. i love dyeing. especially in a big pot over my stove. with my wooden spoon prodding and pushing the cloth in the steaming opaque water i feel like a happy old village witch. like strega nona. the girls are always so puzzled and a little bit worried when the cooking of their clothes begins, but once it is clear i won't be making them take a bite they cheer and demand frequent proof that colors are changing. i still have several kinks to work out with dyeing, but there will certainly more of it, and soon.

this second dress is such a happy burst of marigold sunshine, both in color and in the fact that i was able to correct the few small problems with the construction. the colors chosen were a second choice from my stash when i realized i was too short on the green i had planned, but eve couldn't be happier- after all, it's yellow (albeit an orangey one) and yellow matches her hair.

i've almost got a completely reversible version worked out, both in wrap-around and regular. i'm fairly certain the skirt will be a happy medium between the full/gathered and the strait. more to come on that progress, especially if this baby stays as cozy in utero as he seems to be currently.

ruthie's skirt came along as an attempt to soften the blow that only eve would be wearing a brand new dress to church on sunday (last minute saturday night sewing didn't allow enough time for a second dress). didn't go over very well. she knows a consolation prize when she sees one and does not appreciate being slighted. she insisted on modeling the sunshine dress for this post and is now feeling a little bit better, although i'm still getting a lot of scowls and the occasional tongue stuck out at me. sweet angel.

fashion show

it's strange being a parent before a performance. i tried not to, but waiting for the show to start i couldn't stop myself from getting nervous. how was eve doing backstage? will all that sugar from the cupcakes, cookies and starbursts hit the bloodstream at the exact moment she's supposed to walk on? will she freak out? will she get overwhelmed with all the cameras and people and bright lights? is she going to keep the raincoat on? will all the pep talks make any difference? is she going to have a good time? nervous nervous, pretend like i'm fine, stare at the clock, wait wait. and then, finally, it starts. the kids make their way out one by one and they are amazing. eve is third (fourth?) in line and comes out with the greatest smile and confident little walk. halfway down the catwalk she spots us, gives a big wave (crowd loves it- such a nice crowd), gets to the end, turns around and smiles all the way back. done and everyone is happy. we sneak out through the masses, find eve with her fellow models, give hugs and praise galore, take more pictures, change and leave parsons. we make our way to the subway, ruth plays peek-a-boo with strangers while eve cuddles up and falls dead asleep against my belly.

esther, parsons design student, getting eve ready to go for rehearsal

rehearsal

the real thing