bangkok

i almost called it off a hundred times. but i didn't. friday i hugged and kissed the kids goodbye, hopped on a plane and, 23 hours later, stepped into suvarnabhumi airport, bangkok, thailand. chip is here for a commercial shoot at the end of this week and i'm here because i needed a stamp in my passport. we've ridden on boats, subway, sky train, tuk tuks, motocycle taxis and elephants. we've eaten from the vendors and shopped the markets. we've inhaled the pollution and scents of unfamiliar spices. we've wandered a bit, gotten lost some and we have smiled a lot and been smiled at a lot.

tomorrow we head for the central plains, toward the end of the week i may take a solo day trip to an island just south and the weekend may take me up north. i love the flexibility of our days and the fact that we're still adjusting to the time, so that by 9am we've done a day's worth of adventuring.

i miss the kids. especially when i see entire families packed onto a scooter- toddlers squished between parents and bigger kids. but they are all in great hands.. and flying by myself was amazing. a good amount of sleeping and an embarassing amount of movies, none of which would have entertained the girls.

carefree

my 50mm lens broke. then one phone died while the other disappeared. two days later a water balloon burst all over (and killed) my one-month-old laptop. a water balloon. inside my home. i can really only blame myself, but still, there were a few days these past two weeks where i was pretty sure that life was against me. 

then the crisp fall wind came and blew in the anniversary of our wedding. nine years. (high-five, chip). last tuesday rolled around, chip surprise-took the day off work and pushed me out of the door to have a day of wandering all to myself. the city was wonderful and strange without my squad. i hardly knew what to do or how to interact with the city without kids.. or at the very least without the threat of an outrageous babysitting bill or looming pick-up time. but, i eventually figured it out. i wandered in soho and central park, i saw a movie at 5pm at the Paris (i was the youngest by 35 years, at least. maybe my favorite NY movie viewing experience to date.), i wandered down 5th avenue and grew even firmer in my deep love of brooklyn. chip and i met at balthazar for dinner, wandered to the east village for ice cream and another movie, then took a cab to the west village to stay the night at the jane*. all by ourselves. no kids calling our names in the night or "whispering" in our faces in the morning. it was a first ever and it was nice. and chip did it all. (big-time high-five, chip). the next morning i watched the hudson from our window and after leaving the hotel, chip took off to work while i slowly wandered home.

for a life that has seemed anything but carefree lately, it was the perfect gift. the break from everything, the time alone with chip and the happy reunion with the kids.. just right. 

and now we are back. back to schedules and volunteering and lunch-packing and scrambling to find the missing shoe and fundraising and playing and eating and meetings and eating (charlie is beastly hungry all the time lately) and trying our best to wrap it all up in pajamas, brushed teeth and a cup full of water before 8pm every night.. and i'm trying my best to approach all we have going on with the same happy attitude i approached my day of wandering. 

so it seemed right that when reuniting with my lonely sewing machine i turn to one of my favorite japanese craft books newly translated into english (hooray!); carefree clothes for girls. the japanese version made me want to dye the girls' hair red and move to the country, and the new english version does the same.. but since that doesn't make any sense (yet) i'm happy that it also makes me want to sew up a ton of these adorable clothes for eve and ruth's life in the city.

i skipped on the lovely handwork the book instructs for the apron (i get impatient for a final product when i haven't sewn in awhile.. but really, the detailed handwork in the book is insanely charming). and i went for strips of bias tape along the pant leg rather than the wide lace in the instructions- no lace on hand and i find stripes+cropped pant+little girl to be an irresistible combination (and who really has the power to resist the sailor trend, especially after just lodging in the "captain's quarters" at a hotel that was originally built to lodge sailors in port and was actually home to the survivors of the titanic while that sad mess was sorted out? not me). i love it. simple and darling and so easy to sew. eve's feelings about the outfit? she can put "special secret and even super secret messages and things in the gigantic pocket without anyone knowing" all while practicing moves for ballet class, so she's a fan. even ruth, while in her cave (laundry hamper turned on its side with blanket over it), rotating between her bat costume and skirted lime green swimsuit and shouting "pumpkin pie!" every thirty seconds gives it a very enthusiastic thumbs up. so, even with 80% of technology dead in our home, and charlie throwing everything he can find to the ground, it isn't so hard to feel carefree with images of life on the sea, super secret messages and pumpkin pie on the brain. 

* for those who follow the link to the jane, know that chip didn't surprise me with a tiny room with bunk beds (although that would have been ridiculous and hysterical.. and a revisit to our past- on a maiden scouting voyage to new york nearly 9 years ago we visited the jane when it was gritty and cheap and a friend was lodging in one of those tiny tiny rooms until he found an apartment).. we stayed in one of the captain's rooms which was cool and fun, but not without some mysterious weirdness.. 

in flight

we came back from camping, then back from DC, and are now on our summer trip to oregon. the rugged coastline, redwoods and family called our names and so we came. the last three mornings before leaving, ruthie woke up asking if it was (finally) "oregon day". "no, but it will be soon, rufie" eve would quickly answer. "super duper soon?" "yes, super duper soon" "super duper malooper soon?" "yes, super duper malooper quadooper soon."

our annual trip to oregon usually involves me flying by myself with the kids, chip joining for the last week and then the five of us shuttling home together. this time we switched it up. chip is with us for the first two weeks, so our family of five all boarded and landed together. a big relief for all involved. especially me. nothing like trying to get yourself and all three of your children into an airplane bathroom before your (then) two-year-old actually does wet herself, as she has been announcing to/ threatening her fellow passengers with at the top of her lungs for three minutes while we wait for the "occupied" light to dim..  

but even with chip there to wrangle and distract, traveling across the country with these three takes a little planning. not my strong suit, but we made it here and did so without our neighbors cursing our names. charlie, being magical and in love with his thumb, was easy. and, with the help of their very own back packs bags full of a few simple treats and ways to pass our nine hours of travel, the girls were pretty great too. 

the goods inside the bags:

+ new coloring book and new crayons. heaven for my little girls. brand new pages waiting to be filled and sharp new crayons means fresh, intricate designs for the girls. a dolphin? no, no. a rainbow, diamond, snowflake dolphin with pink eyelashes. takes at least 40 minutes to get just right.

+random activity books from the pharmacy because we couldn't find any decent coloring books on our own (chip's sister saved the day and showed up at our place with the real goods).

+ stickers. with thousands of foam stickers floating through our apartment (and torturing me) years ago, i began taking them on flights with eve and i. we would stick them all over the tray table and seat back, we'd make scenes of dancing animals or designs with our shapes. i'd put two pair of each (animal, shape, whatever we had) up and eve would find the matches. we'd draw faces on them and find the sad horse or the happy lion. and after an hour or so of playing we'd we'd take them off the seat and tray and be done. i don't have the foam stickers anymore and don't ever want them in my house again, so we go for regular stickers. they don't entertain nearly as long but they are a special treat. and apparently ruth loves to put them in her hair (which works out really well..)

+ snacks. of their very own in their very own back pack. no sharing, no bargaining, no waiting their turn for a bite. preferably wrapped up in colorful paper. because unwrapping takes time too, and it makes everyone happy.

+ a book. i can't take my kids anywhere without a book. i used to bring several, but we've streamlined. one for each girl and a couple for charlie. old favorites are the best, because i know they will be hits and the girls can "read" them to each other when i'm finished.

+ woodkins. i may need to devote a post to this toy. all i can say is that they, a gift to the girls from chip's parents, are so much better than i thought they'd be.  

+ home videos. pulled out when all else has failed, these are always the answer. the girls love watching themselves, so the dvd with an hour's worth of footage sampling their entire lives is devoured happily. they stare and laugh and pretend to be embarassed by themselves while i try to take a nap.

all carried on their own little backs from plane to plane, these items weren't anything new or groundbreaking, but they did the trick.  

in four and a half weeks i'll be flying across the country to get home. a mom alone with her three very young kids, i'll be every other passenger's worst nightmare. but hopefully the treats, and crayons and home videos will, once again, charm the littles. and maybe the people who watched me with big eyes and thought to themselves "please don't be sitting next to me. please don't be next to me" will watch me leave thinking that it wasn't so bad afterall..

 ..

backpacks are a shrunken version of the backpack pattern in lotta jansdotter's simple sewing. easy and fast.

i have a lot to post, but being on vacation with family in paradise is distracting and too much fun. i'll try to get back to at least once a week. but if i don't, take it as a good sign. summer!

last weekend

wow. two weeks have gone by quickly. between each of us taking turns being sick, chip taking a week off from work (yay!) and (what feels like) a billion school activities, we've been busy and distracted and having fun.

soon after the election eve began asking questions about the president-elect; does he know i voted for him? (in her pre-k class), can he come to our house? when can i see him? once she realized he would not be making a personal visit to brooklyn, she decided that we really needed to go see where he was going to live. a break from life sounded great so we happily gave in to her requests, packed up and drove down to d.c. this past weekend. 

highlights:

eve's letter to her future president. mild frustration when she was told she wouldn't be able to deliver in person.

a stop outside philadelphia to see some great friends and revel in the last, and possibly most shockingly beautiful, bit of fall.  

cousins in d.c.. the girls fell in love. complete break down and several minutes of sobbing when we drove away. 

and of course, there was the white house. seen hundreds of feet away and through a fence, the girls weren't as taken by it as anticipated. eve just wanted to go inside, and ruth just wanted to run away. i think our next visit, which will involve a tour inside this "super big white place" will live up to all the hype. if not, i might be dealing with some seriously disillusioned patriots. 

++

this post is dedicated to my mother, who continually states her dismay (horror, even?) that she has not only managed to raise a "liberal" daughter but that that daughter is raising a liberal of her own. but really, my preference out of it, there is no way mr. obama could avoid becoming a hero to this girl- his picture is everywhere in our neighborhood and he has two little girls.

go to hawaii

and get mark to photograph you. because he's amazing. one of the nicest, coolest guys you'll meet who is also really good at what he does.

i adore this family of my sister's and i want to cry these are so great. those kids! that water! those kids! 

i wish i had been there to jump in, fully clothed, with them. i lived in hawaii my junior year of college and would have stayed longer if it hadn't been for chip waiting for me on the mainland. it worked out well for me (i still like chip a lot), but it really has been too long since i've tasted that salt water and breathed in the plumeria. it has also been too long since i laughed with mark and his beautiful and passionate wife patria ruth. . . so go. for me. swim, lay on the beach, sail, surf, be photographed, drink fresh coconut milk, watch the sun rise and set and be happy. then tell me all about it so i can live vicariously through you. and then take it a step further and show me the pictures that mark took; test my will power. . . because there is a little part of me that will want to implode with envy on the inside.  

photos courtesy of holladay photo. mahalo mark! (and sarah for letting me paste you and your family all over this post!).  

countdown

one full month is a ridiculously long time for us to go without chipper. we're all dying for him to join us on friday so we can live it up in glorious oregon for one final week before heading back to brooklyn. three more days for us to miss our favorite things about the man.

eve's favorites: stories at nigh-night time (usually sung to some crazy twangy/old-timey tune), showing him her "most beautiful drawings" and talking about scary monsters who don't get us.

ruth's: having food with daddy cause daddy makes yummy food (a perfect response from ruth- no basis in reality and food centered).

charlie's: who knows. but i'm certain he and chip will have fun smiling at each other. 

and the things i've missed? i've missed everything. i've missed laughing with him and watching the girls go nuts with him around. i've missed watching him feverishly sketch out his latest scheme for our apartment. i've missed his stories. i've missed the pacing and the lounging and the face he makes when he looks in the mirror. i've missed the thousands of everyday mundane things that make up partnership and family life. i can't wait for friday to come, it's going to be good to have chip around again.

i may check in within the next two weeks, but most likely not. we've got a lot of time to make up for and i don't want to be doing it in front of this screen. hope you all enjoy these last days of summer!

kuplink, kuplank

there were no cardigans or overalls, no wandering mama bears or tin pails, but there was a jolly toothless man, a sleeping baby and thousands of plump berries ripe for the picking this morning at the blueberry field outside of brookings. we are back on our extended summer break in oregon and as i picked in the abnormal heat this morning the words and images of blueberries for sal ran repeatedly through my mind. i am finally coming back around to loving summer, partly for the escape i get to make to oregon, but mostly for the berries. even as i wiped away the sweat i found myself so content to be there in the patch, searching for plump berries to the sound of my sister's and mother's wafting laughter and the excited chatter of the bubbly german women to my right. seven pounds later (almost thirty between all of us) we wound our way back down the river to the shelter of an air conditioned home looking out to the ocean.

a good start to our brookings stay.

the heat should subside shortly and we'll soon be back to the regular fair of long sleeves, but for now we've kept the clothes of last week's utah stay, and we're all happy to run through the sprinklers and eat popsicles in the sun.

the next several weeks this blog will be used as an attempt to make chip feel a little closer than 3000 miles from his family, which will not change the content so much as the frequency of the posts if all goes according to my ambitious plans. i'm already behind schedule, with baby to nurse, girls to engage, vampires to read about and blueberries to consume. but at least i've made a start.

50:41

as in "oh, it's 50:41! i have to go, grandma!" eve is experimenting with telling time lately, and i am rarely just mommy. today i have been assigned the roles of "mean computer girl" "mean queen" "nice morgana" (the sea witch in little mermaid 2. . . ugh, i'm more than ashamed that my children and i know that. . .) and "grandma." ruthie has been restricted to the sole role of "baby jesus" . . . "come on, baby jesus! i'm making a playground just for you! see-saw for baby jesus! wheee!" i don't really know what to say. 

we've all been cooped up a little more than we'd like lately (didn't leave the house once all week. three kids+ humidity= me hiding by air conditioner). so saturday we made our way up to lawrence farm orchards to do some berry picking. a few strawberries, mostly cherries and fun. we left right around "35:13" and had a great day. as usual, i am now desperate to live on a farm of my own. having inherited the desire from my dad, i've romanticized about living on a farm as long as i can remember. the thought of being so tied to and in tune with the land and life seems so ideal. maybe i should start a little smaller with the dreams and shoot for a backyard first. 

chip has declared that he could go cherry picking every week. if we can avoid charlie getting anymore scary looking mystery hives, i'm all for it too. strangers tried to be nice and pretend that he was just a beautiful little angel, but they were concerned. "oh look, look at that little babyyyy. . ." as they came in for a close up look at the little mess their voices would lower, slow down and a lot of looks of semi-hidden worry were exchanged. but, after we picked, licked all the melted ice cream off (i know, a farm with amazing ice cream. heaven.) and turned in our wagon we drove home with pounds of cherries and hot and sleepy kids. thunderstorms and dinner from friends welcomed us home before warm baths were given and i gave into my exhaustion. i'm a complete wimp in the hot humidity. 

sunday came and with it this cherry pie. and seriously, it was the best pie i've eaten, maybe ever. and bonus; crazy easy. after the cherries are pitted (admittedly a slow process but one i delight in) and after my stained hands are washed, its all about just throwing a few ingredients together and waiting while the goodness bakes. without tapioca or white sugar on hand i substituted corn starch and powdered sugar. worked perfectly. i had raw sugar that maybe i should have used, anybody have any tips for baking with it?? half cake flour made the pie crust magical. 

once the pie was gone (we had help eating it, but could have easily shoved it into our own greedy tummies) we were very sad. so sad, that i woke up this morning determined to make another. it is happily baking in the oven right now while ruth dresses in the cow costume, eve lies daintily on the bed in her cinderella dress and charlie sits in my lap contentedly staring at the glow in front of him. 

 

storm king

we love storm king. 500 acres of beautifully (and so so simply) lanscaped land in the catskills dotted with amazing modern monumental sculpture. calder, serra, di suvero . . . and several more amazing artists have their work throughout the park. peaceful and striking all at once.

this was our fourth visit to the park, which seems so paltry given the six years we've been in new york. but we loved it just as much as we always do. mim came along. no trip to storm king is complete without mim. and the beans, after hearing us rave for years, walked the grounds with us too. tom may rank among eve's top five favorite people in all the world, and he and his are at least in my top 20 so we were all happy and entertained.

it was a day full of all the small details that make days fun. cricket catching, land envying, a groundhog, chip scaring eve to tears, sunshine, itchy arms from napping in the grass and a lot of smiles and laughter. a beautiful day, with beautiful grounds, beautiful sculpture and beautiful people all around.

if you ever have the chance, go. and wander on your way home. that drive through the hudson river valley continues to be one of the most beautiful drives we've ever taken.



and maybe you too should go to the delicious ess-a bagel (on 21st and 1st) before taking off. . . and don't ask for the bagels to be toasted like i did. the workers don't like that so much. besides, the bagels totally don't need it. they are perfectly crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside all on their own. they may be the only bagel that is really worth eating. the egg and cheese bagel sandwich i ate was so good and kept me full for at least 7 hours. . . well, that and the half of eve's strawberry-cream cheese bagel. . . and a bite or two (or five) of ruthie's cinnamon raisin . . . it's tough to keep track.

california, i'm comin' home

that joni mitchell song ran through my head and out of my mouth every time i was in the car and driving through the golden hills of my california last week. i lived all of my life in california and all but the first 8 months in the little town of placerville. it was my home. then i went to college in utah and hawaii, got married and moved to new york. while i was busy doing that my parents sold the house (along with all the dirt, bushes, trees, barbed wire and star thistle) that all of my childhood memories revolve around and moved away. i haven't been back to placerville for more than 12 hours in more than five years and i haven't come near my old house since a couple years before it stopped being home to porters.

but this trip things were different. this trip i had time to spend in my old hometown and time to drive the winding roads through the gorgeous golden hills i love. i had time to cry while i was doing it. maybe i cried because i missed it, or because i mourn the loss of the little girl i was when i lived there, maybe because i can no longer call those hills and roads mine or maybe just because of all the sweet memories they hold for me. or something else entirely. . . i'm not sure. but i cried and sang to my california and felt more at home driving through that country than i have in years.

and while i was driving i remembered that that little town with all its hills and oaks was my first love. the best kind of first love. the kind that helped me grow, slowly and gently. the first love that made me feel sure and capable and appreciated. the kind that now makes me teary because of all the sweet and young feelings that surface when i think of it. the love i would never want to reclaim because i have become someone new and so has it. but it will always be my first love and for that reason, i will love it forever and part of me will always be at home with it.