50:41

as in "oh, it's 50:41! i have to go, grandma!" eve is experimenting with telling time lately, and i am rarely just mommy. today i have been assigned the roles of "mean computer girl" "mean queen" "nice morgana" (the sea witch in little mermaid 2. . . ugh, i'm more than ashamed that my children and i know that. . .) and "grandma." ruthie has been restricted to the sole role of "baby jesus" . . . "come on, baby jesus! i'm making a playground just for you! see-saw for baby jesus! wheee!" i don't really know what to say. 

we've all been cooped up a little more than we'd like lately (didn't leave the house once all week. three kids+ humidity= me hiding by air conditioner). so saturday we made our way up to lawrence farm orchards to do some berry picking. a few strawberries, mostly cherries and fun. we left right around "35:13" and had a great day. as usual, i am now desperate to live on a farm of my own. having inherited the desire from my dad, i've romanticized about living on a farm as long as i can remember. the thought of being so tied to and in tune with the land and life seems so ideal. maybe i should start a little smaller with the dreams and shoot for a backyard first. 

chip has declared that he could go cherry picking every week. if we can avoid charlie getting anymore scary looking mystery hives, i'm all for it too. strangers tried to be nice and pretend that he was just a beautiful little angel, but they were concerned. "oh look, look at that little babyyyy. . ." as they came in for a close up look at the little mess their voices would lower, slow down and a lot of looks of semi-hidden worry were exchanged. but, after we picked, licked all the melted ice cream off (i know, a farm with amazing ice cream. heaven.) and turned in our wagon we drove home with pounds of cherries and hot and sleepy kids. thunderstorms and dinner from friends welcomed us home before warm baths were given and i gave into my exhaustion. i'm a complete wimp in the hot humidity. 

sunday came and with it this cherry pie. and seriously, it was the best pie i've eaten, maybe ever. and bonus; crazy easy. after the cherries are pitted (admittedly a slow process but one i delight in) and after my stained hands are washed, its all about just throwing a few ingredients together and waiting while the goodness bakes. without tapioca or white sugar on hand i substituted corn starch and powdered sugar. worked perfectly. i had raw sugar that maybe i should have used, anybody have any tips for baking with it?? half cake flour made the pie crust magical. 

once the pie was gone (we had help eating it, but could have easily shoved it into our own greedy tummies) we were very sad. so sad, that i woke up this morning determined to make another. it is happily baking in the oven right now while ruth dresses in the cow costume, eve lies daintily on the bed in her cinderella dress and charlie sits in my lap contentedly staring at the glow in front of him. 

 

first day

today is the first day on my own with the three kids. this morning my sister and two (of her four) kids left for the airport to fly back home to oregon. sad for all of us, but especially my apartment, which has not been so clean or full of life in months. the girls are already making demands for sarah's return, and deep inside, i am too. it was glorious being so taken care of by one of my favorite people of all time.

so far the four of us are fine. an episode (or five) of diego and a super cape has eve happy while ruth seems satisfied staring at sleeping charlie and playing the "remember when?" game with me over and over. -ok. i just looked over at ruth and it turns out it wasn't the "remember when" that was entertaining her so much as the tube of lanolin she was smearing all over her lips, tummy and right leg. classic ruth.- if the rest of the day goes this well (ointment smearing aside) i may even be able to do something for chip, who is 33 today. happy birthday chip! here's hoping all you ever wanted for your 33rd birthday is leftover pizza and the latest episode of the bachelorette. . .

also, i've lost the ability to follow one line of thinking for more than four minutes, so here are eve and ruth with two of their respective current obsessions: mustaches (yogurt in this case) and animal puppets.

++ oh, and goo flu is gone. he died within 24 hours. so then came go-pen. i had high hopes for go-pen, he looked hearty. but four days later he was nose down too. the girls are now talking about death even more than usual, in semi-disturbing ways; "oh, i'm sorry mom, it looks like charlie's dead." so we're taking a break from fish for awhile. clear the air. and the water. 

charlie and bye

 

charlie's birth was the roughest of the three. being 9 days overdue (four more than ruthie, 22 more than eve), and the heaviest by one ounce might have had something to do with it, but i'm fairly certain that there were three other factors that made this one closer to what i hear the mainstream experiences of childbirth are. (i've been quoted as saying that childbirth- the actual process of natural childbirth, not just the result- is "glorious" and i've meant it, but not with this one. this one was just hard).

and here are the three reasons why:

#1: the boy was posterior. what you hear is true; back labor is no fun at all. i generally do not like being touched while in labor but other than getting the baby out, there is nothing i wanted more than someone to repeatedly hammer me in the back with a mallot and relieve the pain.  

#2: because i was so overdue i wasn't able to deliver in the birthing center where the two girls were born. the birthing center is heaven. a cozy heaven where chip, my midwife, one nurse and quiet are the only things i am aware of as i labor, deliver, recover and stare at my new baby. . . instead it was the regular labor and delivery floor for me. no jacuzzi tub. no queen size bed. no friendly watercolors of flowers hiding the tubes and medical equipment in the wall, no feeling of complete seclusion. just a fetal monitor that had to be kept on the entire time, five feet to pace between bed and chair and florescent lights (which didn't do me any favors for the post-birth photographs, either). . . also, shared recovery rooms aren't ideal; sometimes getting glimpses into strangers' personal relationships is really uncomfortable. 

#3: this, i've decided is the big reason charlie's birth was the roughest- the clock. there was a digital clock on the wall and i could not avoid looking at. the minutes ticked away, reminding me how long i had been in labor, reminding me how long i had been in the hospital, reminding me that as each intense minute ticked away i had no idea how many more were ahead. that clock made my attempt to stay focused on the miraculous process and not give in to the frustration and exhaustion much more difficult than usual. if there is a next time, the first thing i will do is cover up any and all clocks in the room. i'm not interested in being taunted like that again. i'm interested in being blissfully ignorant to the passing time as i focus and cope and my body works.

so, next time (again, if there is one) here's hoping for a timely arrival free of back labor and clocks. but really, these small complaints aside, i have never been more aware of how incredibly blessed we are and how incredible new life is.

since the evening we returned home with our newly complete family we've pretty much spent our days staring at this little guy. seriously, he's so great. i love few things in life more than brand new baby chicken legs. and now that his umbilical cord fell off, the girls are fully in love. a ton of staring, a ton of kissing a ton of "charlie's so cuuuute!"

but, we have some sad news too. as of last night our fish of more than a year- "bye"- is dead. at the end of a tragic day for eve (having to share the unicorn AND eat all of her quiche) i was trying to console her when i caught a glimpse of obviously dead fish and blurted out "dang it. bye's dead." smooth, mom. poor eve; head thrown into the pillow, sobbing screams, desperate clings to her insensitive mother. promises of fish heaven and a replacement finally dried up the tears and we were all able to go to sleep peacefully. kind of. dead fish are creepy. oh, and the cause of death? starvation. little baby came to town and fish was totally neglected. sorry bye. i can't decide who had the worst death; bye or our first fish who died of exposure (the heat in our building went out for several days during the coldest snap in winter didn't work out so well for the betta). . . 

here's the new guy. name: "goo flu" which eve informs me is "the most beautiful name." who am i to argue? welcome goo flu, here's hoping you make it past 14 months with us. history is not in your favor. 

+++

and thank you to all of your for your kind comments here! if i weren't so lazy or wrapped up in staring at charlie i'd love to get back to each of you individually. but, i am lazy and charlie is freakin' beautiful so a group "thanks!" is the best i can do for now.

meet charlie

june 2, 2008

5:22am

8 pounds, 1 ounce  

21.5 inches long

amazing. 

triangulation

i've been trying to figure out what this third child will do to and with the current family dynamic we've got going here. (yes, this past weekend and came and went and along with it, his due date. waiting waiting. . .). over and over the three little kids that will soon be mine have led to thoughts of triangles and the shape's possible meanings. on one end they're symbolic of perfection and unity while down at the other they represent danger and unavoidable tragedy. so which is it? should i be preparing myself for familial annihilation or some sort of exaltation once this little one joins us? as with most things this baby will probably take us on a path somewhere in the center, with detours in either direction occassionally thrown in the mix. moments of hell and moments of heaven. much like our current life, just with more stomping feet. 

so, to celebrate the triad that baby will complete; this triangle banner quilt. there are countless imperfections and the whole hurried project could have used a bit (a lot) more careful planning, but the fact is that that is just how i operate around here. especially lately. each time i get an idea i am in a near panic to start and finish it immediately. . . who knows when this little guy will decide to come and my days will consumed by holding, feeding, staring, keeping the girls from smothering him and trying to figure out how he ever fit inside me. 

why not

yes, why not throw a few more dresses and/or skirts in the mix around here? and why not do it in compulsive spurts starting around 9pm at night?

i actually drew up the pattern for these first two dresses a few weeks ago and then immediately went to work making and dip-dyeing the first dress. i love dyeing. especially in a big pot over my stove. with my wooden spoon prodding and pushing the cloth in the steaming opaque water i feel like a happy old village witch. like strega nona. the girls are always so puzzled and a little bit worried when the cooking of their clothes begins, but once it is clear i won't be making them take a bite they cheer and demand frequent proof that colors are changing. i still have several kinks to work out with dyeing, but there will certainly more of it, and soon.

this second dress is such a happy burst of marigold sunshine, both in color and in the fact that i was able to correct the few small problems with the construction. the colors chosen were a second choice from my stash when i realized i was too short on the green i had planned, but eve couldn't be happier- after all, it's yellow (albeit an orangey one) and yellow matches her hair.

i've almost got a completely reversible version worked out, both in wrap-around and regular. i'm fairly certain the skirt will be a happy medium between the full/gathered and the strait. more to come on that progress, especially if this baby stays as cozy in utero as he seems to be currently.

ruthie's skirt came along as an attempt to soften the blow that only eve would be wearing a brand new dress to church on sunday (last minute saturday night sewing didn't allow enough time for a second dress). didn't go over very well. she knows a consolation prize when she sees one and does not appreciate being slighted. she insisted on modeling the sunshine dress for this post and is now feeling a little bit better, although i'm still getting a lot of scowls and the occasional tongue stuck out at me. sweet angel.

shortcake and bloomers

happy belated mother's day to all of you. i hope you got a chance to relax and enjoy your families.

in an apartment filled with the smell of lilacs and lilies i was fed a delicious meal prepared by chip, presented with cards, a pasta necklace and a "talking butterfly" from the girls and entertained as we all joined in on making strawberry shortcake; a favorite dessert for as long as i can remember. i went to the new sweet melissa baking book (thank you mim!) for the shortcake recipe and am happy i did. a great biscuit-y texture and with the lemon zest, a perfect foundation to the strawberries and whipped cream. i'm excited to try out more of the recipes- especially the baked donut things- and soon, before i feel obligated to monitor what i shove into my mouth.

before mother's day with its flowers and naps i went to an amazing baby shower for my ridiculously talented friend abby. the woman has some creative and talented friends and the result was a perfectly executed "pop" theme shower. i couldn't stop staring at the giant balloons suspended from the ceiling, the sensation of pop rocks in my mouth (used to sprinkle the cupcakes) was one i hadn't felt in at least 12 years, and solely because of visual appeal i was suckered into drinking a bottle of soda, which neither i nor my stomach like, but just couldn't resist. i'll make the same excuse for the obscene amount of the adorable mini pop burgers i consumed. . .

due with a girl in june, a tiny and cheery summer outfit was in order. smocked short dress with bloomers. no pattern for the dress (just a rectangle) but the the bloomers are a slightly modified version of the makie pattern (great japanese craft book, isbn# 4-579-10996-1). here's to the flourishing parks and gardens of brooklyn, the outfit that was inspired by their beauty and the new little baby girl who will soon be here to take it all in.

fashion show

it's strange being a parent before a performance. i tried not to, but waiting for the show to start i couldn't stop myself from getting nervous. how was eve doing backstage? will all that sugar from the cupcakes, cookies and starbursts hit the bloodstream at the exact moment she's supposed to walk on? will she freak out? will she get overwhelmed with all the cameras and people and bright lights? is she going to keep the raincoat on? will all the pep talks make any difference? is she going to have a good time? nervous nervous, pretend like i'm fine, stare at the clock, wait wait. and then, finally, it starts. the kids make their way out one by one and they are amazing. eve is third (fourth?) in line and comes out with the greatest smile and confident little walk. halfway down the catwalk she spots us, gives a big wave (crowd loves it- such a nice crowd), gets to the end, turns around and smiles all the way back. done and everyone is happy. we sneak out through the masses, find eve with her fellow models, give hugs and praise galore, take more pictures, change and leave parsons. we make our way to the subway, ruth plays peek-a-boo with strangers while eve cuddles up and falls dead asleep against my belly.

esther, parsons design student, getting eve ready to go for rehearsal

rehearsal

the real thing

recovering

do you have those moments (or days) when you feel like you've done some serious reverse-maturing? lately i've been reminding myself of college me: doing anything and everything i can think of besides the one thing i really need to do. honestly, i'm always functioning a little like that, but almost dysfunctionally so in college. and here i am again, finding all kinds of things to do besides actually preparing for the major thing i have coming up: baby. this week's unhealthy procrastination has resulted in several projects, the first two involving some re-making and re-covering. not thrilling, but at least useful.

new stroller seat. the other was hideous but i held out on making a replacement until i had a legitimate reason. when it ripped apart i finally had it. keeping the plastic belt snaps from the other stroller seat, using it as a pattern for the new and using some fabric and ribbon on hand, it was done. i may have to do some major reinforcing; the girls love to sit in it and push each other around (dolls are rarely allowed in). . . i'm pretty sure i've already heard stitches popping.

ironing board cover. why haven't i done this sooner? before the burn and water marks our last cover was fine- just natural canvas- but we have had some terrible covers in the past. always in the worst shades of baby blue. no more. i used the old cover as a template, finished the edges with some double fold bias tape and fed the re-used string (but you could use elastic too) through, put on board, tightened and secured with the holder/clamp. done.

ha! this might be the most boring project report of all time. but it makes me feel like i've been slightly productive, even though i really haven't.

the real excitement begins tomorrow; we've got eve's very first fashion show! i can't wait. she'll be walking in the parson's school of design junior fashion show. the theme (at least for the children's wear class) is "street wear, hong kong 1995" and the outfit that esther (design student) made for her is so so fantastic. i imagine eve will end up covering her eyes (her shy/ i'm overwhelmed reaction) for at least a little bit of the walk but for now is insisting "i'm going to be so brave of the fashion show." on the very same stage used in project runway, we'll see how she handles the big time.

++ and there's some excitement over at brooklyn bean. head over there and get in the mix to win one of alysha's handmade goods. i consider this a real act of selflessness (i really like winning) so take advantage, blog or no.

mish-mash of lately

happy may day!

it is official, spring is here and summer is right around the corner. i know because last week i got the very beginnings of what is, three years running, my summer trademark: massive saltwater sandal tan. feels good. i also have the beginnings of a nice farmer's tan which doesn't feel so good but until i start remembering my sunblock is also kind of inevitable. does anyone else have arms that tan at a rate five times faster than the rest of their body?. . . but, i can't complain when i am able to spend hours of my day sitting on a playground bench surrounded by great friends watching the kids run and play. new york in spring is amazing. if you've never been, come at this time. everyone and everything is emerging from their winter gloom and reveling in the glory of renewal.

and, i'm 29. (i know. only 29 and almost three kids- yikes.) tuesday was my birthday and with great friends all around, a brother and sister-in-law in town (who woke up to make me crepes in the morning!), and time alone with chip, it was a really great day. chip and i went to freemans on the lower east side and other than the somewhat irrational fear that one of the taxidermied animals was going to fall on me and cause serious bodily harm (i was most concerned about my eyes), the place was really great. watching the parade of hipsters walk down the alley to the restaurant was entertaining and, once, inspiring. i love the lower east side. after dinner chip and i made our way uptown in a cab, a rare treat for us- we're cheap like that, to see macbeth. such an intense and gruesome production. not going to help my creepy dreams at all. the art direction was beautifully modern and the acting was stunning. . . i always wonder whether my opinions are completely skewed because i'm just so happy to be kid-free for a night. i might consider anything a work of genius because i don't have two little girls shouting "i'm never playing with you again!" or "more didi boots! i want food! no, mean mommy!" at me every thirty seconds. but this time i'm certain it was the production and not the euphoria of being away that won me over.

here's yesterday photo of baby boy, who, it turns out, is not breech at all! good baby. i'm hopeful this is the last time we need an ultrasound with this baby. i'm tired of hospitals.

our may day will be filled with joy school for eve, some grocery shopping (or maybe napping instead?) and folding of the laundry neglected yesterday while at the hospital and then preparing for last night's book club i hosted. we read crossing to safety by wallace stegner. one of my favorite books by one of my favorite authors. i love his depiction of relationships in all their quiet tragedy and glory. it was so great to be in my home, kids in bed and surrounded by good people and good discussion.

++ update: my hero brother-in-law and sister-in-law who live in manhattan just swooped in and took my children for the afternoon/evening. looks like i'll be getting that nap afterall, once i waste more of my time watching the most recent episode of the hills. i already stayed up until 2am last night catching up on the bachelor. gross reality tv confessions. . .