happy birthday charlie

magical charlie. just when i think i can't love and adore you any more, i do. just when i am certain there is nothing you could ever do to top your knee-bounce-head-banging to a good tune, you take off into the tightest, fastest little circles and figure-eights your crawling body will allow in response to an especially good beat. just when i think you've outgrown it, i am woken up as you tug fistfuls of my hair as hard as you can and flash the happiest smile when you finally see my eyes. i don't think you will ever get cuter than when you stick your tongue out and smile or when you pull your arm back, way back, when you are just a little nervous. nor can i imagine your smiling, arm-waving, kiss-giving response to your sisters ever being sweeter.. but then, you've outdone yourself constantly for the last twelve months, so who am i to say..

oh, charlie. there really is something magical about your relaxed, playful ways. you get our jokes, but don't always think they're funny. you throw your whole body forward and bury your head during a good laugh and have the saddest sloping back and hanging head when you are sad. you love almost everyone you meet and happily tolerate the others. the swings leave you screaming with laughter. the big kids running ahead leave you kicking your legs as hard and as fast as they go. you can't wait to be running and jumping right alongside, and you will be, soon. your cautious standing will turn to reckless sprints, your sweet jibberish will turn to entertaining conversation and your little pointer finger will take a well-deserved rest. you will finally be able to go up to your sisters' loft bed all on your own and know how to get those blocks to make noises without pushing them across the entire apartment for help. you'll be able to hold your own cup without getting soaked and finally, finally you'll know what every button and switch and outlet you come across is really for.. but for now, let's just clap and play and laugh while my arms turn to jelly from throwing you in the air. let's just cozy you as you suck your thumb, put your other hand down my shirt and watch your sisters play princess. lets just keep doing the things we are doing, because man, it has been pretty great so far.. you've brought an entire year of magic to an already charmed home and we all love you an insane amount because of it. happy birthday, my little boy. let's brave the rain and go find some balloons. 

a great day

today ruthie turned three. 

today molly, my brand new and beautiful niece, lived her first full day of life.

today i couldn't stop smiling as i thought of the cheers, the honking and the shouting in the streets that kept me up all last night.

this was a really great day.  

first day

today is the first day on my own with the three kids. this morning my sister and two (of her four) kids left for the airport to fly back home to oregon. sad for all of us, but especially my apartment, which has not been so clean or full of life in months. the girls are already making demands for sarah's return, and deep inside, i am too. it was glorious being so taken care of by one of my favorite people of all time.

so far the four of us are fine. an episode (or five) of diego and a super cape has eve happy while ruth seems satisfied staring at sleeping charlie and playing the "remember when?" game with me over and over. -ok. i just looked over at ruth and it turns out it wasn't the "remember when" that was entertaining her so much as the tube of lanolin she was smearing all over her lips, tummy and right leg. classic ruth.- if the rest of the day goes this well (ointment smearing aside) i may even be able to do something for chip, who is 33 today. happy birthday chip! here's hoping all you ever wanted for your 33rd birthday is leftover pizza and the latest episode of the bachelorette. . .

also, i've lost the ability to follow one line of thinking for more than four minutes, so here are eve and ruth with two of their respective current obsessions: mustaches (yogurt in this case) and animal puppets.

++ oh, and goo flu is gone. he died within 24 hours. so then came go-pen. i had high hopes for go-pen, he looked hearty. but four days later he was nose down too. the girls are now talking about death even more than usual, in semi-disturbing ways; "oh, i'm sorry mom, it looks like charlie's dead." so we're taking a break from fish for awhile. clear the air. and the water. 

happy belated birthday sarah!

oh i love you sarah. i love thinking of you wearing roller skates in the house and trying to convince mom that it was ok because it helped you clean faster. i love remembering of the hours you spent reading "les miserables" and "of mice and men" to me for my high-school english classes. i love that you ditched school to cheer me on in my 8th grade talent show. i love remembering you smiling, running down the hallway and up the stairs with our furious, teeth-clenched mom hot on your tail. i am still amazed at your ability to get to me; bleating "oh, poor katie" like a goat for 15 minutes strait until i lost it, sitting down next to me on the couch and ever so slowly pushing me over and then completely off, obnoxiously killing me at risk or monopoly until i threw the board and screamed that i would never play with you again, only to do the very same thing the next sunday. i love the letters you would send to me at girl's camp- complete with drawings, "skate or die" and "i skate, therefore i am" scrawled on the back. i love that you can beat almost anyone at any game involving quick thinking, logic or strategy but have asked me more than once how to spell the word "of." i love remembering the day when i realized i could count on you to defend me against any outside attack. i love that you taught me how to write my name in cursive before i was in kindergarten and that with your help i got into the real choir without having to audition before ms. perpall. i am so entertained by your terrible memory but i love that almost all of my childhood memories are incomplete until i remember your reaction, your help, or your company.

yes, you once made me sit in the way way back of the toyota because you were mad at me. and sure, i once wrote a song for you with the title (and only real lyrics) of "you ruined my life the first time i laid eyes on you" but even then i knew the words were ridiculous. because, no matter what, you were always a constant to count on for kindness, help, friendship and protection when i really needed it. and you are still that constant; the person i can look to and call (everyday) for understanding, perspective or just to laugh with. i love you sarah. oh how i wish we lived closer so i could see you and laugh with you everyday, but even with 3000 miles between us i am so happy to know you are a part of my daily life, that you are my sister.

happy (substantially late) birthday.

happy birthday (and christmas) david!

dave, i love that i cannot hear acdc without thinking of high-school you, your old blue truck and the mullet you sported. and then i think of your truck catching on fire -woops- and your replacement cars, first the 280zx, shortly followed by the geo metro whose bumper you "sewed" back together with big metal wire/staples, instead of just getting a new one after it was ripped off. i love your intense frugality and the incredible (although sometimes unsightly) solutions you come up with in order to save. the incessant "guess what? i love you!" game you played with little boy bobby still makes me smile. i cannot believe, but dearly love and am secretly jealous, that with a little soldering you turned a bike into a unicycle and legitimately taught yourself how to ride it all over our bumpy dirt roads. you are so quick to give a full, hearty laugh at my jokes and stories and that alone makes me love you forever. yes, you once rocket-launched me across the entire front room when i refused to get out of your way, but you also didn't yell at me when i borrowed your white shorts and then ruined an entire load of all your new clothes with the tube of lipstick i left in the pocket. it is amazing and so impressive that with a full family you went back to college, worked like mad and officially revealed that you're an engineering genius. i still can't believe you and erin have SIX kids, but i love the happy chaos and love that rules your home and how you are all just perfect together. when i was about 6 years old you pulled me out of too-deep water in a friend's pool just as i was about to start panicking for air. i was so relieved and grateful to have you as an older brother at that moment, and the feeling has stuck. happy (late) birthday dave. i love you.

happy birthday (week) mom

i love you mom. i love that you made all seven of us volcano-shaped mashed potatoes "erupting" with red colored gravy that destroyed the broccoli trees and cheese-cube houses on it's way down. i love that i can't count how many times i've seen you laugh until you cry. i am in awe when i think of throwing a wet, dirty dish rag at bobby, missing and hitting you in the face instead; you were so calm as you peeled it off your glasses and slowly handed it back to me. i love thinking about the hours you spent patiently helping me with my third grade robot project. i love the power you had over us with just one look. i love, though will never really understand, how you rarely have a recipe for something, you "just make it." i love all those songs you were constantly humming, singing or whistling and the fact that you are, to date, the best whistler i have ever heard. i love that you gave us each our very own box of sugar cereal each christmas. i love the motherly pride that frequently beems from your face and how you have always been so quick with your praise. i love that you seem genuinely pleased to talk with me, even if it is the third call full of questions that day. i love the absolute confidence you have always had in dad, yourself and all of your kids, no matter what. i love that you are still one of the very first people i want to talk to about news in my life, good or bad. i love you for always being able to help me see the good and hope in hopelesness, that you have always been a safe haven to come to.

i love realizing more and more each year how much of you is in me. and how much happier my life is for it.

happy birthday week mom. i love you. a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

happy birthday ruthie!

oh ruth. when i was pregnant with you i knew you'd be friendly. i had no idea how crazy and entertaining and mischievous you would be. i didn't know about that stompy, floppy run of yours, usually with mouth wide open in a crazed smile. i didn't know you would come programmed knowing exactly how to push every single one your sister's buttons and get wild joy from watching her react. i couldn't have imagined your almost annoying ability to charm your way out of any trouble. i did know that you would love people and they would love you, but had no idea how quickly you would capture people's adoration. i certainly didn't realize you would be so messy or have such a need to apply and spread anything and everything to every surface of your own skin. everyday. i didn't know about the smearing of the frosting or the hummus or the massaging of your own feet with that morning's cream-of-wheat. i didn't know the immense love affair you would have with food; the singing about it from your crib, the talking about being "hummy" at least every 20 minutes, and the immense amount of food you can shove into yor mouth without issue. i didn't realize the frequency of the kind hugs you would give to your sister and how quickly you could unite with her against all the world, including me. i didn't know how intense and determined you would be, nor did i have any clue that you would be able to mimic my voice and yoga positions almost perfectly, the first time. i didn't know how hard you would make us laugh and how so many of the things that i love the most in your father are the very same things i love in you. and i could never have known how much i really do love you, and how through you i would love eve, your dad and life even more than before. so, happy second birthday ruth. i love you and am secretly proud of you for testing me everyday. just as any good daughter should.

++

while i was typing the last half of this, you got a chair from the dining table, pushed it over to the counter, climbed up and then ate/destroyed nearly all of the mini ganache-covered chocolate cupcakes waiting for tonight's celebraion. the uneaten/uncrumbled ones you smeared on your belly. all in three minutes.

belated to chipper

i love you chip. i love that you can make me laugh in any situation. i love (although it really does drive me crazy) your constant paranoia that one of us is going to choke. i love that the first four thoughts i ever had about you were "his name's chip?" "he's skinny" "i like his hair" and "wow, he's so friendly." i love that on one of our first dates you got lost and we ended up just driving for over and hour, listening to music and laughing before finally finding our way. i love the memories of going to your studio and reading my psychology textbooks on the balcony while you painted. i love that you are the most honest person i have ever known, and consequently, the worst liar. i love how you become completely obsessed with ideas or projects that "could be so great." i love that you are constantly wanting to make everthing around you better. i love that you are so complete in your forgiveness. i love the way you hit your hand to your chest and hold it there when you laugh really hard. i love your strange knowledge about the classic rock genre. i love, really really love, thinking about the time you thought you broke your ankle. i love your unreasonable fear of rats and sharks. i love thinking about what a terrible apologizer you are. i love that you can sleep anywhere. i love imagining us old together. i love watching you dance with the girls. i love that you love them so much, and that they adore you in return. i love the stiff-arm stance you get whenever your are trying on a jacket or shirt. i love that you talked me into marrying you, because you were just sure it would be great. i love it that you were right.

happy birthday, chip . . . two days late.

dad

i love you, dad. i love that when bitten by a rattlesnake you killed it, sucked the venom from your hand and kept right on working. i love that you were in a band called "wildfire." i love that you get choked up. i love your loud laugh- the chuckle is nice too, but i prefer the loud laugh and how it is only lasts a moment. i love that you called us "knuckleheads." i love remembering you pounding on my bedroom floor (your celiing) when i was talking too late and too loud on the phone. i love your wheat pancakes. i love your chopped off finger and wish, oh wish, i had real memories of looking for the tip of it before mom rushed you off to the hospital. i love that you played the guitar for us to sing to. i love your donald duck impression. i love that very, very loud clap of yours. i love the many memories of playing volleyball or performing in a concert or a play and hearing that clap in the crowd. i love that i can't buy buttermilk without imagining you putting a little pepper on it and gulping it down. i love thinking of those talks you used to have with me when i was punk teenager . . . oh, i hated them then, but thinking of your concern now makes me teary-eayed. i love that you have always encouraged us to be happy in life, and that success is not a word with narrow meaning. i love your self-control, your incredible example of hard work and patience, and the fact that i've always known that you love me, even when i was at my worst.

so, thanks dad, for all the reasons you've given me to love you. happy father's day.

happy birthday bobby

i love you bobby. i love that you let me dress you up as a girl over and over and over, makeup and all. i love that you made a "treasure hunt" for the family by drawing dollar signs on the all the walls and carving even more into the window sills. i laugh every time i think of mom making you run laps around the house with the hope of calming you down. i laugh even harder when i think of you walking down the hall complaining to mom that none of your "panties" were clean. and i secretly love, although it is completely disgusting, to remember all the meals you created with ranch dressing as the main course.

it is hard for me to think of you and not immediately picture the chubby 13 year old i left at home when i went off to college. . . but now you're all grown up. you're married (to someone i'm legitimately looking forward to being friends with) and have a life all your own. but you're still so fun to be near. you are so easy to laugh and joke with. and you still have the amazing gift of making people feel welcome and at ease. i'm lucky to have you for a brother and even luckier that you've forgiven me (you have, haven't you?) and like me after all the torture i put you through as a child.

happy birthday bobby. come to visit us soon.